


In Between

by writerforlife



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: F/M, M/M, The Raven King Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-07
Updated: 2016-05-07
Packaged: 2018-06-06 22:57:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6773698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writerforlife/pseuds/writerforlife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>THERE ARE RAVEN KING SPOILERS </p><p>In which Adam works on processing what happened, Ronan is thankful, Gansey wants to know if he can kiss Blue, Blue wants to know if she can kiss Gansey, and Henry wants to go on a road trip. </p><p>Set in between Chapter 67 and the epilogue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Between

**Author's Note:**

> When I finished The Raven King, don't get me wrong, I loved it, but I had a lot of questions. After discussing said questions and their answers, I decided that writing this was infinitely more important than studying for exams. For everyone who wondered what happened in the gaps between Chapter 67 and the epilogue, this is my take on it.

Gansey gasped for air. 

All there was was darkness, but something wet poked his bare hands and face. Grass. It felt as if there were weights on his chest, so he gasped again. Every breath sounded ragged, like his lungs were being used for the first time and the effort was destroying the organs. He opened his eyes and was immediately blinded by sunlight and blue sky. All he saw was white light, his eyes burned by the brightness. He tried to raise an arm to cover his face but found it was leaden. 

Memories flooded his mind, pure fire on dry kindling. His mind provided a likeness of Adam, unable to control his hands then bound and blindfolded in the backseat. He remembered Ronan, being strangled and then being unmade by a demon, black goo oozing from his nose and ears. He remembered Blue, tears running down her face, the feeling of her lips against his, the way she held him as he died.

_ Died again, that is. _

There had been no bright light to follow, no choir of angels, but darkness. Gansey simply hadn’t been anymore. 

Another memory flamed up. He had died as a sacrifice to save Ronan and Adam. If he wasn’t dead, then what did that mean?

The thought drove him to inhale desperately and force himself to sit up. At this, his head exploded and the world spun in circles. He fell back, bracing himself both for the impact and for getting up again, because he had to make sure Adam and Ronan weren’t dead. Nothing he had ever done would have mattered if he failed them. Neither one happened, though, as a pair of thin arms caught him. 

“Gansey,” the owner of said arms said shakily. “Gansey, can you hear me?”

Blue. The voice belonged to Blue. He opened his eyes and saw a blurry vision of her. Her upper lip was trembling, her eyes were bloodshot, but it was Blue. “Blue,” he gasped. His voice cracked. 

Something on her face broke at the sound of his voice. Tears ran down her face, carving ravines through blood and dirt. She squeezed his chest with such force that for a moment, Gansey was afraid she would break his ribs, but then he realized he wouldn’t care. He never wanted Blue to let go of him ever again. 

“Adam and Ronan,” he choked out. “Are they -”

“We’re alive.” Gansey turned to his right to see Adam kneeling by him, his face ashen. His hands were still trembling, but they were no longer jerking violently. He had his body back. “We’re all alive, Gansey.” Adam bowed his head, and if Gansey hadn’t known better, he would have said Adam Parrish was crying. 

“You were very not alive, dickwad.” When Gansey turned to his left, Ronan was crouched over, deliberately not looking at Gansey. His eyes were puffy and swollen and he wiped at them furiously, but finally he turned and looked Gansey dead in the eye. Something heavy and unpleasant settled inside Gansey’s chest at the sight of Ronan’s tear-stained face. “Nobody is allowed to fucking kill you but me. Also, I’m fucking wrapping you in bubble wrap for the rest of your life.” 

“Good to see you breathing, Gansey boy.” Henry sat cross-legged at his feet, sounding more upbeat than he looked. A crease had formed his brow. “You had us all worried for a second there.”

They had all spoken at separate times, but their voices had melted together, confusing Gansey even more. “What happened?” he asked, directing the question at Blue. Her arms were still wrapped around him, and she had adjusted his body so his head was laying on her thigh. There was a tingling sense in his body, and he didn’t know if it was from having been dead recently or his proximity to Blue. 

Blue, Ronan, Adam, and Henry exchanged glances. Nobody spoke for a moment, and Gansey sensed the hesitancy to answer his question. “Last thing I remember, I sacrificed myself to kill the demon. Since the blood is gone and you two aren’t possessed or being unmade, I’m a bit confused on how I am still alive.”

“Cabeswater sacrificed itself for you to live,” Adam replied.

“Why?”

“Because we asked.” Ronan said this as if Gansey had asked if the Earth went around the sun. 

“You asked.” Gansey laughed, slightly hysterical. The entire situation was absurd. “Am I even me?”

“Completely.” Blue beat everyone else to the answer. “We didn’t ask for a copy. We asked for you.” She pushed back some hair from his forehead, and in that moment, an understanding of what had always been true formed between them 

Gansey sighed. His eyes were growing heavy, and the wailing sirens in the distance were making his head throb. The river of blood had been reduced to nothing but a few red splotches. All that remained was the rain. He let his eyes shut, but immediately opened them again when Blue tapped on his face with unnecessary urgency. 

“Keep your eyes open.” Her voice trembled, and Gansey understood at once. She had to convince herself that he was truly alive,her mind wasn’t playing tricks on her, and he had to keep his eyes open for her to do so. 

The sirens grew closer. Adam glanced over his tensed shoulders, his jaw set and his eyes steely. Ronan was fidgeting, too, yanking at the leather bands around his wrist. 

“Look, I don’t know how you guys usually roll, but I don’t know if we want to explain this to the cops or EMTs?” It was a statement, but Henry’s voice rose at the end. He nodded at the black goo that had dripped all over Ronan. “Like they aren’t going to know what to do with that.”

Blue pursed her lips. “Is anyone actively dying?” Nobody replied, and Blue seemed to take their silence as a no. “And Gansey, you’re alive, so there’s no need for ambulances.”

“Suits me,” Gansey mumbled. 

“Then let’s scoot.” Henry leapt to his feet. Adam and Ronan followed suit, although with much less energy. There was a sense of raggedness to the both of them, and Gansey didn’t blame them at all. Gansey started to stand up, but was stopped by Blue holding him down and Ronan snarling. 

“No fucking way you’re walking, man.” Ronan pulled Gansey to his feet. Gansey didn’t protest, just allowed his arm to be slung over Ronan’s shoulder. Blue wrapped an arm around his waist. They made their way back to the car, a strange three-bodied, six-legged creature. 

Ronan drove, Adam rode in the front, and Gansey sat in the middle of Blue and Henry. Blue’s hand was in his. Her fingers found his pulse from time to time. She would press two fingers to his wrist, and he would take his other hand and cover her hand.  _ I’m alive _ , he wanted to whisper into her ear.  _ We’re all alive.  _

He allowed himself to revel in the improbability of the situation, to be thankful for Ronan’s obnoxious music playing softly, for Adam staring out the passenger side window, for Henry’s presence, and for Blue. The rocking of the car lulled him into an easy doze. 

_ We’re all alive. _

 

Blue was still having trouble believing what was in front of her. It was early evening, around sunset, and she was sitting on the old couch in 300 Fox Way, her head on Gansey’s shoulder. Adam was curled up on an old armchair, his hands folded on his laps, and Ronan was sprawled out on the floor by Adam’s chair, his arms behind his head. Orphan Girl  was with Maura and Calla, as they wanted to talk to her and see what her future would hold. Henry had had to return home, but he had promised to get in touch as soon as he could.

Adam wasn’t bound and blindfolded in the backseat. Ronan wasn’t gasping for breath and fighting desperately to stay alive. Perhaps most impossibly, Gansey was alive, and not only alive, but a perfect image of who he was.There had been a sense of terrible worry nagging at her.  After the car ride, he had fallen asleep, and she had watched him with her breath held, counting every breath and willing his chest to rise every time it fell. Sure enough, he had awakened a few hours later, alive and himself. Now, they sat in a peaceful silence, saying nothing and everything all at once. Her sense of dread had been soothed to nothing but a small annoyance. 

“I want to thank you all.” Gansey leaned forward slightly so he could speak quietly. “For my life.”

“It sounds cheesy when you put it like that,” Ronan grumbled.

Gansey blinked owlishly, his eyes wide behind his wire glasses. “I’m completely serious.”

“It’s what you would have done,” Adam said, his words almost too quiet to be heard. He looked at his lap rather than Gansey. “I think you have saved all the people in this room at least once. It was our turn.” At this, he locked eyes with Gansey, and Blue saw an Adam Parrish that she never could have even imagined existing a few months ago. Something passed between the two, and Gansey nodded slowly. 

“Adam and I also want to thank you,” Ronan muttered. The entire room went still. Blue had always thought it would take the world ending for Ronan Lynch to express gratitude, and she had been correct. “Even though it was a dumb fucking move to give yourself as a shitting sacrifice.”

Gansey stared at Ronan solemnly. His eyes were bright, perhaps with tears, but Blue thought it was something closer to pride. 

“Gansey, can I ask a question?” Ronan propped himself up on his elbows.

“Of course.”

A wicked grin came to his face. “Is Sargent a good kisser?”

“Ronan!” Blue exclaimed, and threw a pillow at Ronan. He flipped her off as Adam guffawed and Gansey turned scarlet. Like that, the solemn mood was broken. Blue tried to catalog exactly how this moment felt, how with those three, she felt like a piece to a solved puzzle. She let herself drown in it, let it surround her and fill every part of her being.

Then, she remembered something. 

“What do you think happened to Noah?” Everyone froze in place, but no one spoke. “He was tied to Cabeswater, and it’s gone, now,” she plowed on, a sense of both dread and relief growing in her. 

“You think he’s gone,” Gansey said quietly. “For good, I mean.”

Blue nodded. Adam glanced down at his lap. Gansey went entirely still, looking more like a statue than a boy. Ronan bounced his leg a few times, then stood up and paced around the room, very much resembling a loaded gun. She followed him around the room with her eyes, watching every violent turn as well as seeking out breakable objects that could receive the brunt of his wrathful anger. 

“Well, fuck,” Ronan finally said, and sat down again. He leaned back against Adam’s chair, twisting his bands around and around. Adam put a tentative hand on his shoulder, and only then did Ronan go still. 

Blue raised her fingers to her eyebrow and traced the healing cut. It would scar, a permanent reminded of how Noah had been corrupted and she had never alleviated his guilt. He had gone for good thinking she blamed him. She didn’t realize she had said all this out loud until Gansey glanced at her with a pained look on his face. 

“I told him I was going to ask for his life back,” Gansey whispered. “I promised him.”

“You wouldn’t have been able to do it, in the end,” Adam replied, but it was a half-hearted protest. Blue knew he hadn’t been close to Noah, but they had still been friends. 

“I promised, though.” Gansey’s brow creased at the thought of a promise to a friend broken. He stared thoughtfully out the window, and Blue wondered what it was like to be Gansey, so full of selflessness and love that it nearly cost him his life. She wondered if she could ease some of this burden for him. 

She wondered if she could kiss him again. 

“I hope he’s at peace,” Gansey finally said, and the discussion was finished. 

Blue hoped he was at peace. She hoped he knew she was his friend. 

Her head fell back onto Gansey’s shoulder. Happiness was finally something she felt as if she could become well acquainted with. 

 

All in all, Adam was exhausted. As Gansey, Ronan, and Blue talked about everything that had happened. Although he wanted nothing more, he couldn’t keep up with the conversation. There was too much in his head. He wanted to fall asleep. He wanted to keep Gansey in his vision to make sure he didn’t drop dead. He wanted to forget the helplessness that came with being possessed. He wanted Ronan. 

He wanted his hands to stop shaking. 

When the sun set and an orange and pink light was streaming through the windows, Ronan stood up and stretched his arms out. Adam watched as the ink in his tattoo rippled like black waves in the ocean. 

“I’m going back to the Barns. She has probably eaten half your house, Sargent,” Ronan.

Adam was on his feet before he realized he had moved. Gansey, Blue, and Ronan were all staring at him. “I’m, um, going with him,” he said, inching closer to Ronan. A smile came to Gansey’s face, and he exchanged a happy glance with Blue. 

“Then let’s go, Parrish,” Ronan called, already halfway to the door. He disappeared down a hallway, most likely to get Orphan Girl, and Adam stared at Gansey and Blue. They both stood up, one living, breathing creature. 

“Goodnight,” he said simply, his tongue feeling stupid and heavy. He couldn’t find the words to tell Gansey and Blue all the things he wanted to say.  _ You two are good together _ , he wanted to say.  _ Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for not being dead _ . Instead, he bumped his knuckles against Gansey’s and let Blue hug him, hoping they understood. 

From the shine in Gansey’s eyes, he thought he had gotten his point across. 

He met Ronan in the doorway. Orphan Girl was curled up in his arms, fast asleep, and Ronan held her close to his chest with his arms wrapped around her small frame protectively. All at once, Adam felt warm inside, a feeling that lasted even when they walked into the cool night air. 

Ronan buckled Orphan Girl into the back of the BMW and then started the car. Adam leaned back against the seat, feeling like he would melt into the soft leather that smelled so much like Ronan if he could. Heavy electronic music played softly so as not to disturb Orphan Girl, sounding more like a lullaby than noise. Instead of looking out the window, he turned his head to the left so he could watch him drive. The moonlight shone through the glass, casting shadows over Ronan’s face and making his dark eyelashes almost translucent. 

Adam finally looked away and down at his lap. His hands were still trembling, so he laced them together. An irrational part of him was terrified the demon was still out there, lying dormant but ready to rise at any moment, wanting to take his hands again but waiting until the opportunity was right. Waiting until Adam was alone with Ronan and nobody would stop him this time. 

“Your head’s gonna explode if you think so damn hard, Parrish,” Ronan said, mercifully ending Adam’s dismal thoughts. 

“I don’t want to go back to St. Agnes’ tonight,” Adam blurted out. His laced-together hands shook. He didn’t explain that he couldn’t stand the thought of being alone with nothing to distract his mind, knowing Ronan was also alone miles and miles away.

“No arguments here.” Ronan glanced over at him. Chills ran through him when he saw that angry purple and blue bruises were forming in finger-shaped patterns on Ronan’s neck, right where Adam had wrapped his hands. Adam tried to push back the bile that rose in the back of his throat when he saw that a black crust had formed under Ronan’s ears. He wanted to get rid of it all, to burn every shred of evidence that reminded him of what had happened. “You gonna make it?”

Adam exhaled and leaned back against the seat again. Composed. He had to be composed. “Yeah.”

They drove the rest of the way back to the Barns in silence. When they got there, Ronan shifted so he was facing Adam. He opened his mouth, then closed it. He held out his hands, then pulled them back to his sides. After opening and closing his mouth once more, he took Adam’s hand and wrapped it in both of his. They stayed like that for a few moments. Ronan didn’t say anything about the way Adam’s hands were still shaking. Adam didn’t say anything about the single tear that ran down Ronan’s cheek. 

Finally, Ronan raised Adam’s fingers and brushed his lips against his knuckles so lightly that if he hadn’t known better, Adam would have thought the tingling sensation was because of the wind. 

They went inside together. 

 

Once Adam and Ronan left, Gansey felt exhaustion sitting atop his shoulders purposefully. He was alone with Blue on the couch, his head once more in her lap, her fingers threaded through his hair. For the first time in the long time, he felt still. His death wasn’t hanging over him like an executioner’s axe, and finally, he and Blue could be nothing but a boy and a girl. He pondered what the future could hold. An image of going on a normal date with Blue Sargent, nothing but a cheesy movie and dinner at some place that wasn’t Nino’s, came to him. No Welsh kings, no curses or death prophecies tying them up. He wondered if he would be able to kiss her goodnight, if Maura would yell at him for bringing her home too late. A part of him wanted all this, just for the experience of dating a girl he liked quite a lot. 

He yawned, and Blue chuckled softly. A warm, contented glow had swallowed her hours ago, and happiness suited her. She was radiant. 

“Are you going to let me sleep this time?” Gansey whispered. The world was too peaceful for regular voices at this hour. Whispers suited the suspension of reality that came with night. 

“Possibly. Do you plan on waking up?” Blue was whispering as well, her voice throaty, tired and a little hoarse from crying and screaming. She sounded like a queen.

“Every day for the rest of my life.”

This seemed to satisfy Blue, so he stood up. His legs still wobbled. “I may need to borrow a car to get back to-”

“Get back to?” Blue interrupted. She stood up and faced Gansey, her brow creased. “Will you stay the night?”

“Jane, would your mother appreciate boys spending -”

“Gansey.” He stopped immediately, remembering that Blue had held him as he died. The way her arms felt as he slipped farther and farther from life had stayed with him. She wanted him where she knew he was breathing, and if truth be told, Gansey didn’t want to far away from her, either. 

“Alright.”

“You can sleep in my room. I’ll take Persephone’s room. It’s right, um, over there if you need me.” Blue looked hesitant to walk away from him, and Gansey couldn’t take the creases of worry on her face. He moved forward and wrapped his arms around Blue, pressing her against his chest. She stood on her toes and buried her face in the crook of his neck. Gansey closed his eyes, and felt a deep wanting. When he let go, Blue looked rather breathless. He wondered if she had felt the same sense. 

“Goodnight, Jane,” he whispered. 

She stared up at him, a lazy smile on her face. “Sleep tight, Gansey.”

 

Once Adam and Ronan had gotten back to the Barns,Ronan had insisted on showering and suggested Adam do the same. Now,  Adam stood in the shower, letting the hot water pour over him and scald his back. Every sting was a reminder that he was himself, in his own body, present and alive. That being said, he needed to make the water cooler. It wouldn’t do any good to burn all his skin away after surviving a demonic possession.

He closed his eyes, begging his mind to forget the unforgettable. As typical, his mind failed him. His memory provided the helplessness he had felt when he was strangling Ronan returned, along Ronan refusing to fight back for once in his life, his eyes wide and afraid. He had never believed he would see the day where Ronan Lynch would be the prey and not the predator. 

His hands shook.  _ I am Adam Parrish. My hands are my own.  _ To prove this to himself, he found a bottle of shampoo and picked it up. It was his own will to pick it up, therefore, he was okay.

He remembered artificial darkness, not being able to see Ronan but hearing him choking, writhing around in pain, fighting to stay alive but ultimately losing. Again, Adam had been useless. Even if he hadn’t been possessed, there would have been nothing he could have done short of sacrificing himself before Gansey had a chance to do so. 

He tried to open the shampoo bottle. 

Gansey, pressing his lips to Blue’s before killing the demon. Gansey, falling to the road, all life drained out of him. Gansey, saving Adam and Ronan and being the hero once again all in one fell swoop. Adam, doing nothing to stop it once again. 

The bottle fell to the shower floor and landed with a mighty crash. Shampoo trailed out. It was a clear, whitish soap, but all he saw was black goo. Adam’s hands shook more than ever, his fingers so unsteady that he probably couldn’t even open a door.  He tried holding one hand with the other, but the restraint only made the shaking worse.

“You dead in there, Parrish?” Ronan called through the door.

“I’m fine,” Adam replied automatically. He bowed his head and slumped against the shower wall. Even this was too much. Finally, he lowered himself to the floor and sat with his head on his knees. He couldn’t tell if the water on his face was from the shower or his tears. 

Maybe he wasn’t okay as he thought he was. 

 

The night was still, silent except for crickets chirping every now and then. From Blue’s bed, Gansey could see stars forming webs over Henrietta and the occasional bird flying past. It had been improbablehe would ever see those things again hours ago, so the normal seemed extraordinary once again. 

Gansey turned over and over, exhausted but unable to sleep. He was surrounded by all things Blue, but she was nowhere near him, and somehow, that bothered him infinitely more than anything else. He wondered if she was thinking the same thing, or if she was sleeping soundly. 

Dying the second time around hadn’t been as bad as the first time in some ways. This time, he had a purpose. If there had been a mirror, he would have been able to look at himself and nod proudly. He had been able to kiss Blue and know that he was dying so that Adam and Ronan could live. In some ways, it had been torturously worse. This time, he had been leaving the people he loved most. He had done his best to tie up the loose ends, to make things easier for everyone, but there would still be the indelicate matter of telling his family, planning his funeral, and sorting out his possessions. Also, for one of the first times, Gansey had finally thought of himself. He hadn’t wanted to die, not when Ronan was finally smiling again, not when Adam wasn’t in peril every day. He hadn’t wanted to leave Blue, not when he knew he loved her. 

In the end, he had gotten everything he wanted. He felt more alive than ever, sitting in Blue’s bedroom. There was one aspect missing, though, and it mattered more than anything. 

“Gansey?” The aforementioned aspect walked into the room, her hair spikier than ever, her clothes wrinkled.  _ A queen _ . “You awake?”

“Hello, Jane,” Gansey whispered. He stretched out on the bed, trying to look casual. From the half smirk on Blue’s face, he guessed he was failing dismally. 

“Hey, yourself.” Blue climbed on the bed and sat cross-legged on the end. “I can’t sleep.”

“Neither can I.” Gansey stared at Blue, and Blue stared right back. In that moment, Gansey knew what he wanted without a doubt. He reached out tentatively, pushing her hair back away from her ear and pressing his fingers against her cheek. Blue shuddered under him. “Can we… can we kiss now?” 

Blue leaned into his touch. “Nobody ever expected my true love to actually live after I kissed him, so I’m not sure.”

Gansey tried to be casual about the fact that she had called him her true love in no uncertain terms. “Can we try?”

Blue nodded slowly. “I think so.”

Slowly, he leaned in and pressed his lips against hers softly. She leaned into him, her hands finding his chest, so he closed his eyes and let the world become nothing but Blue. 

When he pulled back, he waited for something to happen, for his heart to suddenly fail, for something heavy to crash through the ceiling, for a bee to fly through the window, but none of that happened. 

“Well,” he said shakily, “I think that answers that.”

Blue grinned. 

 

After Ronan put Orphan Girl into Matthew’s bed and showered, he got dressed and laid on his bed, a sense of calm washing over him. He figured there wasn’t much left that could faze him after experiencing being unmade. It had been like someone had reached their hands into his soul and tried unravelling the threads that held his life together. The demon had tried to take everything from him.  A year ago, he wouldn’t have fought as hard to stay alive. Today, he was infinitely grateful for everything he had that made him want to stay alive. He turned the musical toy car over and over in his hands, waiting for Adam to get out of the shower. 

When Adam finally appeared in the doorway, Ronan couldn’t stop himself from staring. He was wearing an old t-shirt and flannel pajama pants Ronan had thrown at him, and his hair was still a little wet from the shower. 

His hands were also shaking uncontrollably. 

Ronan scooted over on the bed and patted the warm space next to him. Without a word, Adam crossed the floor and sat down next to Ronan, swinging his long legs onto the mattress. He inched closer and closer to Ronan until their hips were touching and it was only practical for Ronan to wrap an arm around Adam’s shoulders. He expected Adam to tense and then allow for him to keep his arm there, but instead, Adam immediately leaned into him. Ronan took Adam’s hands in his and rubbed circles into his palms, waiting for him to be ready to talk. 

“Why didn’t you fight back?” Adam finally asked. 

“What, when you were strangling me?”

Adam flinched, but pushed on. “Yeah. You could’ve hit me or kicked me or  _ something _ .”

“No, I couldn’t have. I wasn’t going to.”

“Ronan. I can take a punch.”

“Parrish. Fucking stop.”

“I was about to kill you!” 

Ronan turned his head so he was looking Adam right in the eye. “I know you can take a punch, fucking trust me, I know you can, but you’ll never take one from me.” He turned away from Adam and stared up at the ceiling, feeling a sense of satisfaction at Adam’s stillness and silence. 

“I was fucking terrified,” Adam said quietly. “When I was blindfolded and all the sudden I hear you losing it and gasping like that. There was nothing I could’ve done.”

“We’re all okay, though.” Ronan shifted so he was laying on his side, staring up at Adam. At this angle, his jawline was more angular, more strange, more beautiful. “I’m alive, Adam, and you’re fucking stuck with me, now, and the brat, too.”

At this, Adam smiled for the first time that night. With his head tilted curiously, he ran his fingers over Ronan’s collarbone then moved them down his chest, pausing over his heart. Ronan rolled onto his back and stared up at Adam. Now that he was allowed to do that, he was never going to stop.

“I was scared, too,” he confessed quietly. 

“About what?” Adam played with the hem of Ronan’s shirt, making it hard for him to think.

“I thought I was gonna fucking lose you. I saw you all tied up in the back and thought about how no matter who died, I wasn’t gonna let it be you.” 

Adam replied by kissing him. Ronan had always dreamed about kissing Adam, never daring to think about an Adam who would want to kiss him. He was glad he didn’t, for the real Adam kissed elegantly, full of love and a strong gentleness. Adam didn’t steal kisses, he gave them like gifts. Ronan let himself be kissed over and over again, knowing he was loved. 

Ronan wrapped his arms around the small of Adam’s back, pulling him closer. He kissed the freckles on Adam’s neck and collarbone, then ran his hands down Adam’s back and brought his hands to the waistband of his pajama pants. He didn’t pull them down completely, only ran his fingers over the soft skin as a promise of times to come. 

Adam brought himself onto his hands and knees, hovering over Ronan. He stared at him, his eyes roaming up and down his body. Finally, he traced the outline of Ronan’s lips before kissing his forehead. Adam kissed like he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to and like it was the end of the world at the same time. “You’re something else, Ronan Lynch,” he murmured, and laid next to him. Ronan allowed himself to be gathered into Adam’s arms. 

“I…” Ronan started, but Adam quieted him with a kiss on the side of his neck. 

“I know. You don’t have to say it yet.” 

Adam interlocked his fingers with Ronan’s. Ronan found satisfaction in the fact that Adam’s hands weren’t shaking anymore. 

Adam held him as he began to dream.  

 

Blue tried to stifle a gasp as Gansey pulled back from their second kiss. Without the stress of Ronan dying, Adam bound and blindfolded, and Gansey preparing to sacrifice himself, she hadn’t been able to properly enjoy the kiss. Now that they had kissed again, and Gansey hadn’t dropped dead, something inside of her had dissolved. 

“Blue,” Gansey whispered, and that was all it took for her to nearly leap forward into Gansey’s arms. He caught her and laid down all at once. While he was staring up at her, there was no trace of Richard Gansey III or the facade he wore around others. It was just Gansey, and it was more than enough for her. She leaned down and kissed him again. His lips were soft, and even though Blue had never kissed anyone else, she could tell Gansey was good at kissing. 

“You’re not bad at this,” she whispered.

“All the girls I brought in by telling them about Welsh kings. It really got attention.”

She laughed breathlessly. “Worked for me.”

“You didn’t like me. Remember? ‘I am not a prostitute!’,” Gansey said in an impression of Blue’s voice, the pitch and accent butchered. Blue couldn’t help but laugh, feeling drunk on happiness. 

He sat up and brought a hand to her forehead, running his fingers along the healing cut. Blue shivered as he pressed a kiss to the stitches. 

“I liked you well enough,” Blue protested, splaying out her fingers over his chest. He had been on the rowing team, he had told her once, and she knew he still swam sometimes, which explained the muscles. Her heart beat a little faster. 

“You most definitely had your reservations.” Gansey covered her fingers with his hand. “I suppose you came for the adventure, stayed for God knows why.”

“I’m glad I did.” Blue kissed his jaw gently. He was something special, and he was all hers. ‘ “I’m glad you did, too.” He yawned and then looked surprised. “You aren’t boring! I’m just… tired.”

Blue chuckled again. He laid down and she laid down next to him, her head resting on his chest. “We don’t have to pretend anymore,” she whispered. They would sleep, now, and they would sleep well. 

His hand found hers, and he squeezed it gently. “I love you, Blue Sargent.” 

“I love you, too.”

 

Ronan sat on the roof, his feet dangling off dangerously, watching Chainsaw fly circles around Orphan Girl, who was desperately trying to catch her. Adam was on the roof, too, although he sat farther away from the edge. When Ronan glanced over at Adam, who was still looking at Orphan Girl, a small smile came to his face. In his best dreams, he never imagined it all ending like this. 

“She needs a name,” Adam said thoughtfully, not taking his eyes away from the scene in the fields below him. “We can’t call her Orphan Girl forever.”

Ronan considered Orphan Girl’s current title. He didn’t want to pick something completely random, something that would make her feel as if she had been stripped of her old identity. He thought about the letters that made up what she was now called, and smiled when a new arrangement came to him. “Opal,” he finally whispered. The best things happened by creating something new from what already existed. 

“Opal,” Adam repeated. “I like it.”

Ronan pushed himself away from the edge of the roof and closer to Adam. Summer was close, and Adam had been bombarded with acceptance letters, rapid fire from ivy league colleges that all ‘would be honored’ to have a Mr. Adam Parrish attend. After reading the first letter, that one from Yale, Adam had cried. Upon opening Harvard’s, he had smiled and nodded. 

Ronan couldn’t have been more proud. 

There was something, though, that was making him nervous, and that in turn made him angry. Nerves were stupid, but he supposedit was logical to have them in this situation. “Hey, Parrish, you realize you haven’t gone back to St. Agnes’ in three days?” he started, trying not to stutter. He hadn’t fought with Adam so far in their relationship, and he didn’t want this evening to mark the first argument. 

“I haven’t heard you complaining,” Adam replied.

“I was thinking…” Ronan trailed off, scrubbing a hand over his head. Adam watched him expectantly, his brow creased. “You should move in. Here. With me. Like, so when you leave for college and shit you don’t have to waste money on that shitty apartment since it’ll be empty.” Ronan cringed at himself. If he could’ve moved all of Adam’s stuff from St. Agnes and showed him his new room without making Adam furious, he would have. 

Adam blinked once, twice, and then kissed Ronan. “Yes,” he said, and that was that. 

 

Gansey couldn’t keep the grin off his face as he drove to 300 Fox Way with Henry, who chattered the whole way there. When he pulled up to the house, Blue was sitting on the front steps, bouncing her leg impatiently, but she got up as soon as she saw the Camaro. 

“Well?” she shouted, running over to them.

“Mission Epic Road Trip is a go, the Ganseys have approved the gap year proposal, and I repeat, Mission Epic Road Trip is a go!” Henry yelled in reply, and Blue jumped up and down excitedly. Gansey grinned, wrapped his hands around her waist, and spun her in a circle before kissing her. Now that he could kiss her, he did it as often as possible. 

“If you two are going to be gross, I’m not coming,” Henry said, but they both knew he was going no matter what. 

“We need to tell Adam and Ronan they can come,” Blue said thoughtfully, glancing at Gansey. 

“We can tell them, but I don’t think they’ll come.” Gansey had visited Ronan and Adam yesterday, and had left feeling uncontrollably happy. For the first couple hours, they had joked around, exploring the Barns and property around it while revelling in the glory of having one last summer to be teenage boys. As the afternoon turned to early evening, they had talked for a long time. From Ronan’s easy laugh and Adam’s freely given smile, it was as plain as day to Gansey that they were both happier than ever, and that was all he had ever wanted for both of them. 

“Oh?” Blue raised an eyebrow. She hadn’t been there, so she didn’t know all this. He didn’t know if there were proper words to explain what had passed between the three of them. 

“It’s okay, Blue.” He meant this entirely. Even if they didn’t go on the road trip, Adam and Ronan would always be two integral parts to what made him Gansey. It didn’t take being together at every waking moment to be connected to them. Maybe one day, he would be able to explain this to her, but he didn’t think he had the words today. 

“The big question is, where will we go first?” Henry asked, leaning back against the Camaro. Gansey knew one day, he wouldn’t be able to remember when exactly he became friends with Henry. He would look back and think that he had always been there. 

Blue took Gansey’s hand in hers and squeezed it gently. “Wherever we want,” she said, and when Gansey looked down at her, everything that had been fluttering around his head went quiet, like feathers from a ripped pillow floating to the floor. She was it for him. 

This was where it began. 

 

“I think I’m going to visit my dad,” Adam said one morning. He and Ronan had been busy unpacking the boxes of things he had brought from St. Agnes, putting them all in a spacious room that had previously been empty. They had both agreed upon the fact that Adam couldn’t just go from having his own space to sharing completely with Ronan, so he was getting his own bedroom. They had painted it a shade of pale yellow, and they had also split the cost for some bookshelves and a new bed. Ronan had justified this by arguing he would be sleeping in the bed some nights, so he should pay for some of it. Adam hadn’t needed to hear the argument, but it had been fun to watch Ronan turn a nice shade of red. 

“Right now?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Adam had phrased this like it was a random decision, but he had been thinking about it for weeks. 

All Ronan said was, “Take the BMW.” What he meant was,  _ Take my car so your dad knows I’m still around,  _ and Adam knew this. He waited to feel the familiar pang of indebtedness, but then he realized he hadn’t felt that in a long time. 

  
“I’ll see you later,” he said, and Ronan gave him a thumbs-up. 

 

Driving back from the trailer park while listening to Ronan’s music, Adam thought and thought, turning a few words over and over in his head like a stone.

When he pulled up to the Barns, those words had become something solid, something he had known for a long time. 

He entered the house, using his own key, and went straight to his bedroom. Ronan was there, stretched out on Adam’s bed, his headphones on. Adam glanced over at the bookshelf to see a new addition: a snowglobe that had trees with golden leaves inside and glitter swirling around. It only could have come from Ronan’s dream. A lump rose in his throat, but he quickly swallowed it when Ronan opened his eyes and removed his headphones. 

“How’d it go?” he asked. 

“Fine.”

“He didn’t hurt you?”

  
“I don’t think he’d dare, now.” Adam didn’t say he didn’t think his dad could hurt him anymore. Then, he took a deep breath and released the solid thing in his head: “I love you.”

Ronan blinked. It took a moment, but a wide smile came to his face, and he lowered his head ever so slightly to hide it. Adam could still see the wetness in his eyes. “I love you, too. Shithead.”

Adam sat down next to Ronan on the bed and took his hand. Maybe everything was going to be okay after all. 

 


End file.
